Permanency Mediation

During the summer of 2020, I participated in a 36-hour Permanency Mediation training with Plummer Youth Promise (PYP). Permanency is the legal relationship between a child and parenting adult(s) responsible for emotional, social, educational, financial, and other supports. Even more, it’s providing a child with the lifelong place in a family structure that is caring, stable and safe. Permanency mediation is a child-centered and family-empowering alternative to court proceedings. It allows parents, caregivers, relatives, professionals, and other significant people in the child’s life to work together and develop a future plan for the child wheth

er the goal is reunification or adoption (or guardianship. Guardianship is when the parents retain parental rights, but a guardian is appointed to the child so that the child receives care that the parent cannot presently provide. A guardianship can last until a child turns 18 or the parents request to terminate it.) Essentially, permanency mediation is a relationship-building process that brings together important adults in the child’s life to devise a plan that focuses on the current and future physical and psychological needs of the child.

I became interested in matters relating to adoption and the Department of Children and Families after becoming a foster parent and eventually a permanent parent to my niece. I now proudly bear the title “mom” and can’t imagine life before we became a twosome. Though, if I’m honest, the mediation process I experienced left something to be desired. My mediation, which took place within the Florida court system, lasted a total of one 1-hour phone session that mediated separate open adoption agreements with each biological parent. Either the parties were extremely well prepared, the mediator was exceptional, or something was missing. You might guess that I’m leaning towards the latter. So, when the opportunity to become a permanency mediator became available, I was quick to apply with the hope that I might better understand the systems at work and use my experience to enrich my role in the mediator’s chair.

The PYP Permanency Mediation process is fully committed to ensuring the cases they receive are handled with care. The mediators use a facilitative approach to ensure that all participants are comfortable and feel heard, including the child. There are different types of permanency mediation, but for the purposes of this article, I will focus on Cooperative Permanency Planning model which takes place when and the goal is adoption (or guardianship). The mediation takes place before the parental rights are terminated with the hope that long court proceedings will be avoided. During this type of mediation, the mediator works with the biological parents and the prospective adoptive parents to build relationships and discuss an open adoption plan.

Over the course of the process, the mediator schedules multiple sessions. The first meeting is a consultation among the professionals involved in the case: case workers, guardian ad litem, attorneys for the parents and child, paraprofessionals, and community members. The goal of the meeting is to learn about the child and discuss their unique needs.

Then, the mediator meets with the biological parent(s) over a couple of sessions to explain the process, develop trust and confirm willingness to participate. The mediator wants to empower the parents in the process and help them understand that this is an opportunity to have a voice in their child’s future and be a part of the decision-making process. A major emphasis of these meetings is on the importance of family and the understanding that this is a chance to play a meaningful role in the child’s life. As you might imagine, it can be an extremely difficult process for parents. (They might feel that they are giving up on their child and want to fight for their child as a last attempt to show how much they care.) While they grapple with the idea of adoption, they may be going through a difficult time individually. (Many parents might also be dealing with other challenging circumstances like domestic violence, homelessness, mental health conditions, drug addiction, incarceration, etc.)

The next couple of meetings (often concurrently) take place with the prospective adoptive family. The sessions are similar to the parent sessions. The mediator will gather more information about the child’s needs and strengths and encourage an open orientation towards the process. It’s important to focus on the child’s future and explore the adoptive family’s openness to contact.

Whenever possible, the mediator meets with the child. It’s an opportunity to talk directly with the child and learn about their strengths, concerns, and hopes for the future. Depending on age and cognitive and emotional levels, the mediator might use an aid or activity to bring out their perspective. It can be an extremely powerful tool to use in future sessions with the biological parents and adoptive families, especially if the child gives permission to share the conversation. It can be eye-opening to bring the child’s voice into the process, and often helps both biological parents and adoptive family move forward in the process by focusing on the child’s strengths and future.

Once the participants are ready, the mediator moves to joint sessions with biological parents and adoptive family. It’s important to keep the child at the center by highlighting their shared love and concern for the child. It’s an opportunity to build trust and a working relationship between the parties. The mediator might model information-sharing and respectful problem-solving. These meetings are crucial as it opens a communication channel and sets the stage for how they might interact once the adoption is finalized.

Over the next couple of sessions — either in individual or joint sessions — the mediator will begin to focus the discussion on what an open adoption agreement might look like. Often the parties discuss sharing information about the child and contact with the child. Items that may be addressed:

·       Regular “status” updates between adults

·       Contact through cards, gifts, etc.

·       Phone calls and in-person visits

·       Relationships with relatives

·       Social media practices

Numbers and amounts are important to both groups. The mediator tries to highlight that the focus is on minimums so that the child has something they can count on. It’s the hope that as time goes on the parties start to interact naturally and no longer need to refer to the agreement to outline contact.

Children often have questions about their biological parents and their birth story. What time was I born? Why did my parents give me away? Where are my parents now? What do they look like? Who am I? Open adoption via mediation can help ease some of those questions especially when adults share information. An open adoption is important because it allows the child to know their life story while creating a bond with a permanent family. Children do better when they have a connection to important relatives (biological parents, sibling, extended family, friends, etc.), understand their medical history, and know their family history. Permanency mediation lays the foundation for a successful open adoption arrangement and in turn supports the child as they move through life.

By: Kylie Millbern (Previously published in the Fall 2021 Newsletter)